I know this is the most boring of posts. Even worse than those tweets describing in 140 characters of detail an errand that someone is running on their way home from work. But I am just SO excited. My fantasy football squad is SICK. Brian Hege and gang, just ship me the chips now.
QB – McNabb, Garrard
RB – Ray Rice, Matt Forte, Darren McFadden
WR – Larry Fitzgerald, Sidney Rice, Wes Welker, Steve Breaston, Anthony Gonzalez, Golden Tate, Arrelious Benn
Hey, how ’bout some dude on the Browns named Massaquoi slapping up a monster fantasy day in Week 4, followed by millions putting in a Week 5 waiver request without knowing how to spell his name, or even what his first name is. Love when that happens. He should just drop his first name and go by “Massaquoi.” And by the way, when you’re saying the words, “Man, I hope I get Massaquoi” (like I did last night), and it’s Week 5, it’s probably not a good sign for your fantasy year. -Bill Simmons
Timmy just posted this message to our message board:
That’s right folks the #1 ranking is up for grabs this week, it’s Timmy Smash!! vs. Cubanstinks. We all know who the “People’s Champ” is and don’t worry I’m here to represent you all. My victory will be your victory for Truth, Justice, and the American Way!
Now, I won’t pretend that I know what that means. I have the #1 ranking all locked-up. The closest team is 3 games behind me. I can only presume that he’s referring to my power rankings. We play each other next week, and I suppose he’s thinking that if he wins, he’ll jump up to the #1 spot. Dream on, Timmmay!
The Shaun Alexander gamble seems to be paying off for me. SA rumbled to 22 points for me last night. Along with help from LJ and Romo, I scored a league-high 125 points this week. I just hope I’m not peaking at the wrong time. I won’t play another meaningful game until Week 15.
Carter’s Playoff Hopeful Rankings
Cubanlinks (11-1): just wreaking teams these days
Timmy Smash (8-4): rolling the dice with Jason Campbell
Fear the Turtle (8-4): scores points, but makes you wonder how
NY or Bust (6-6): Tough 4-point loss to Timmy this week, might keep him out.
Tinkle Fairies (7-5): Only scored 50 points this week, what gives?
Abramoff’s Revenge (4-8): Scored 118 points, still mathematically alive!
Well, I’ve done it. After last night’s MNF game between the Giants and Jaguars, the Commish (my opponent this past week) failed to get enough out of MoJo (11.1 points) to beat me. I have now clinched my division and will be getting a 1st round bye during the playoffs.
Timmy has already chimed in, but I’ll go ahead and admit it: my victory was WEAK. I had the lowest point total of all winning teams, with the next lowest team scoring 15 points more than me. This kind of luck has been the story of my season, I’ve been catching teams either asleep at the wheel or just on very bad weeks. The Commish started McNabb against me this week, and he ended up tearing his ACL and is out for the season.
Still, let me defend myself. My team is 3rd in the league is overall offense. I’ve been proactive about making moves/trades to keep winning and prepare myself for the playoffs. I’ll say it right now: my playoffs depend entirely on Shaun Alexander getting back to form and being a force in the final weeks of the season. If he plays like he did on Sunday, I’m doomed. I have big question marks at QB (Romo), TE (Desmond Clark) and Defense (Atl).
From now on, let’s rank the probable playoff teams, leaving the bottom feeders to talk amongst themselves:
Cubanlinks (10-1): ‘Nuff said.
Timmy Smash (7-4): He has LT, which cancels out Eli’s suckiness lately.
NY or Bust (6-5): Scored 93 points with a goose egg from Hassleback.
Fear the Turtle (7-4): 5 double-digits performances, T.Green will only improve.
Tinkle Fairies (7-4): Has Rivers, so the McNabb injury isn’t fatal.
The Great A’Tuin (5-6): Could have scored 122 points, could be a sleeper.
I am loving how things are shaping up, coming down the stretch, for my fantasy football league. We’ve got some real battles coming up with a slew of divisional games coming up. There’s no money involved, but pride is on the line, along with bragging rights. My league is divided into 2 5-team divisions. Let’s break them down:
Division 1 (aka the AFC): I sit on top of the division (Colts) with a clinched playoff spot. The next 3 teams are trying to separate themselves from each other (Pats, Broncos, etc) and the 5th team is some combination of the Texans and Raiders.
Division 2 (aka the NFC): All 5 teams are mathematically alive. The last place team is only 3 games back from the first place team, with 3 weeks to go. I’m not positive, but I think the schedule is backloaded with lots of divisional games, so any team that runs the table should control its own destiny.
My team (9-1) has 3 divisional games to end the season. I play the 2nd, 4th and 3rd place teams (in the division) the next 3 weeks. Despite my record, I’m tense. I desperately want to win my division and thus get a first-round bye. If I beat the Commish this weekend, I’ll clinch the division. If I lose, I’ve got to win out or get some help.
Finally, in the last couple of weeks I’ve made some trades/pickups that I hope will propel me through the playoffs and into the Championship game:
I plucked Tony Romo off the waiver wire
I traded Ronnie Brown and Anquan Boldin for Javon Walker and Deuce
I traded Shockey and Darrell Jackson for Shaun Alexander and Driver
My starters (assuming health) down the line: Romo, Larry Johnson, Shaun Alexander, Javon Walker, Marques Colston, Desmond Clark. SICK!
For the two people who look forward to my fantasy football league weekly recap, I apologize for slacking off this week. Something about being unbeatable makes it hard to care about the sorry state of the competition in my league. But I’ve snapped out of it, and decided to do a Thursday handicapping session of this week’s upcoming games. Enjoy!
The Great Colluder (-10) vs. His Brother: This game would be closer, but P.Manning is likely to carve up the Bills. The final result will depend heavily on how the Rams do in Seattle (DTB is starting 3 Rams).
Abramoff’s In Jail (-23) vs. NY or Bust: Ironically, NYoB could win this game if he’s stop starting injured players like Hasselbeck. But, this kid probably hasn’t logged-on in a few weeks, so Abramoff should win handily, especially with Javon Walker going against Oakland.
Alabama Black Snakes (-6) vs. Fear the Turtle: Oooh, I hate to be Turtle. He’s starting Damon Huard, but who knows, T.Green could get the start at the last minute. This could go either way. Plus, I like some of Snake’s matchups (Brady playing in NJ, etc).
Tinkle Fairies (-2) vs. Timmy Smash!!: Will Timmy swap Toomer (injured) for Roy Williams? If he does, he’s got a shot to win. Still, I give the edge to the Commish.
Cubanlinks (-17) vs. Go Skins: This could be the game where I get caught looking ahead. Go Skins is 1-8 and probably hasn’t logged-on since the draft. Still he’s got some good players, no byes and no injuries. Plus I’m starting Romo in place of a shaky Grossman.
Playoff Implications: The top-6 teams (out of 10) make the playoffs, which sucks. That’s just too many, but it’s what we’re stuck with. Thankfully, the division winners (the league is split into 2 5-team divisions) get a first round bye. That’s what I’m playing for.
In my division, Timmy Smash (6-3) and Tinkle Fairies (6-3) are 2 games behind me (8-1). And they play each other this week, which means at least one of them will fall 3 games behind if I win. Sweet!
Wooooooo! Larry Johnson carried my team to another win with a 150+ yard, 4 touchdown game against Seattle. He started off the season slow, but the last couple of weeks have been SO sweet. I have now taken over first place in my fantasy football league, displacing Bud Selig (Chris Miller).
To top off a great weekend, the Redskins didn’t lose!
Carter’s Irrefutable Power Rankings
Cubanlinks (Cream always rises to the top) +1
Tinkle Fairies (Bad day from Harrison, injured TE) -1
Fear the Turtle (very deep team, could be number 2) +2
Alabama Black Snakes (Scary talent right now, can destroy people) +3
Timmy Smash!! (should have lost, but got 43 from LT) -1
The Great Colluder (karma continues, Peyton outscored by Brady) -3
Abramoff’s Revenge (scored 100+ with a RB on BYE) +2
NY or Bust (key players hurt, not looking good) -2
Dan Turner’s Brother (miss Peyton yet?) +1
GoSkins (I’m sorry, I think I threw up in my mouth) -2
So, you might remember me ranting about a controversial trade between two brothers in my fantasy football league last week. Well, I played the guy who gave away Peyton Manning for nothing this week (Dan Turner’s Brother). Needless to say I whipped him like a mule 94-48. I’ve got his bro on the schedule around week 12, which I pretty much can’t wait for.
Carter’s Infallible Power Rankings
Bud Selig (still rolling)
Cubanlinks (sending both Turner brothers crying to their dad, Norv)
The Great Colluder (yeah, Manning’s good) +3
Timmy Smash!! (might have won, but played two players on BYE) -1
Fear the Turtle (slipping into mediocrity, kind of like Terp basketball)
NY or Bust (bench scored double the points of his starters. WAKE UP!) -2
Alabama Black Snakes (it’s nice, but it sure as hell ain’t too beaucoup) +1
Go Skins! (132 point explosion) +2
Abramoff’s Revenge (how’s Georgia this time of year?)
